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this one's for you, big bro.

it's surprising and utterly unacceptable how much you will feel the loss only after that person is gone, right?
totally unacceptable because that person should've been one of your priorities, one of the things that constantly goes round and round in your mind.
but somehow, you keep on saying to yourself; "we still have time, there's always another time, that person will still be there when we finally have time..."

macam lah masa tu satu rakaman pita video, boleh suka hati rewind atau fast forward.
and now we're left with only the memories and that huge chunk of suffocating regret that we did not do the things that we wanted to do and we didn't say the things that we wanted to say.

we miss you.
that small area in front of the bookshops, Ainshams Uni, 2008

you were always there for all of us,
like the big brother of the family,
you were always ready to pick us up whenever we fall down,
to give us a push or a shove whenever we slowed down,
always ready with the perfect words to say right in our faces,
though maybe a bit harsh, but still the right kind of words nonetheless.

but i think we have failed you..
we weren't there with you all the time,
the way you had always been by our side,
we somehow got caught up with a lot of things,
and we constantly say to ourselves that we would eventually have the time to be with you,
and maybe deep down inside, we believed in you so much, 
that we thought you can get through this without a scratch.
we're horrid friends aren't we?

we miss you,
tapi kami tahu, banyak mana kami sayang kau, Allah lebih lebih lagi sayang kau.
terima kasih Lucky for everything. 
for the wise words, for the endless playful teasing,
and for the promise that you would look after us just like a brother would to his sisters.
we wish we could ask for your forgiveness,
for the things we did that hurt you and for the things we didn't do when we're supposed to.

Al Fatihah.
Lucky Hidayat bin Adey
(18 Oktober 1990 - 22 November 2011)

quoting Fynn Jamal, "semoga kau dijaga tenang"