22.

not too late to say hello 2011, i hope? :)

i wanted to post this last night actually, as the date was something of a special reminder to the peeps (if you get the hint, guys!) but then, the laptop discreetly reminded me to go on and pour my heart out to those books there on my study table by switching off voluntarily, thank you very much.

2010.

has been the best teacher, by far. i learnt a LOT, and when i say a lot, i really mean, a lot.

its the life-altering, not-gonna-turn-back-and-regret-anything kind of change.

well.. maybe, there's still a wee bit of regret, here and there, but the kind of regret that would make me go all fired up and raring to go, alhamdulillah :)

and i found out that my mum knows me more than i do myself.

you know that time when i got my finals results? when i told mum the news, she just looked at me straight in the eyes and she said simply, "angah, you didn't study, kan?" and i went all defensive and told her i did study, but maybe it just wasn't enough. but hey, the TRUTH is, i really did NOT study, but me, being the thick-skinned, dumbass, in denial teenager at that time, chose to rebel over my mum, the person who knows me inside and out. 

and you know what, admitting to my mistake made it a whole lot easier to correct it, now that i realised what went wrong last year, i know what to do to make it right, should've just excepted mum's solid verdict from the start. tapi biasalah, manusia cuma, mana mungkin sempurna. and so, you learn from your mistakes.

but admitting to your own mistakes is not a piece of cake, i'm sure you lot know that perfectly well.

but when you finally do, well.. it still wouldn't be a piece of cake, but at least you know what you have to do, what you gotta do. 

and maybe on some mornings, i still wake up with a grudge of having to go through another day of pulling through the year, but those mornings are getting smaller in number, and i am forever grateful to Him, for giving me strength and the purpose to get on with everything, cus when they say all it takes is "Lillahitaala", they weren't kidding, i promise you that :]

not anymore.
" What progress, you ask, have i made? I have begun to be a friend to myself " -Hecato