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i need help.
the spokes and wheels in my brain have gone rusty and dysfunctional.
and my nerves are killing me, with their lowered threshold level.
and my other problem is, i can't really say it out loud when i need help.
i don't really know how.
and even as i'm typing this, i have a good mind to somehow not post this entry later.
even if i say it out loud, that i kinda need help, i won't really be able to explain what is it about.
even as you're reading this, do you have any idea what i'm talking about?
see? see what i mean?
uhh yes. complicated much?

its not intentional, my being this way.
i actually don't know how to tell what is it that's bothering me.
i really can't find the words to say, the sentence to construct.
grown tired already reading this?
i've grown tired of myself being this way too.
my apologies. but then, no one's forcing you to read.
so with all due respect, just stop reading :]
this is just me with my own thoughts,
trying to patch things up.
but i really don't know.. am i doing this the right way?
yep. complicated.

when you find that i have gone silent,
for the first two days, just ignore me.
but if after a couple of days, i'm still not there..
that really means something.
and maybe you should come and ask me.
but be patient with me, i don't really know how to really truly tell what's bothering me.
but if you don't really wanna know, i don't mind.
just don't pretend to care, when you're actually tired of my being this way.
seriously. because i'd rather have you not care, then have you pretending to care.
get what i mean?
yes. i know. complicated huh?

"tentang merasa kuat meski dalam hati rapuh tak terubat" 

well.. if you are reading this, i guess i finally have enough courage to show this one of the many dysfunctional issues i have.



  1. you're not the only one who's dysfunctional. don't worry. hehe.

    remember what you said to me when my mind got twisted and i feel like screaming to the whole world? you said you'd open the drawer and take out the quran and read the meaning.

    somehow it helps me. reading those love letters really gives me a strength i need.


  2. sila check email anda.

    i post everything tanpa edit ooo~ hehe


    ps: aku phm apa kau maksudkan d entry nie.

    semua org complicated :P